Its bathing suit season. You know what that means girls….

its time to start working out obsessively and starving ourselves to fit in our bikinis! There will be lots of tears, anxiety, and depression to achieve the goal of looking like the illusions we see on tv and in magazines. But, it will be all worth it when we hook up with the cute boy at the beach who is concentrating so hard on getting laid that he can’t even remember our name. After all we are girls and all we think about is being beautiful to get a man because our biological clocks are ticking. Women are nothing but sex toys and incubators so our bodies need to be perfect and if it isn’t you won’t be accepted.
Or at least that is what I have learned from experience and observations.

Im constantly reminded of my gender and sexuality every time I walk by a man on the street and my negative image about my body increases when I see a cover of a magazine. Some days I love my body and other days I hate it. Today is one of the days that I hate my body because today I tried on my old bathing suit that fits okay and I went shopping for a new one.
At the store, I pick out several different bathing suits different sizes. Tops are always easy for me to find because Im only an Acup so small top is fine. My breast are one of the few things I like about my body. But, my ass is a different story. Finding bottoms of a bikini is impossible and one pieces fit awkward because my body is so disproportional. So I went home empty handed and feeling like crap because they don’t sell bikini bottoms in 2XL.

But, the worst part was the dressing rooms. Every single women in their was complain about their bodies, including myself. They were calling themselves fat, complaining about body hair, skin tone, cellulite and breasts (too large & too small), every one was pissed off and one girl cried her eyes out when she ripped her shorts. Trying on clothing is always stress full but looking at my thighs in the bikini from last year that Im in right now makes me feel disgusting. The only time Im comfortable with my body is when Im completely nude.

Besides my large ass, small uneven breast and thunder thighs I have peach fuzz all over my body, thick eye brows, chubby arms and stomach, wide hips, long eye lashes, chapped lips, tiny hands, tons of beauty marks, off center nipples, acne, greasy hair, pale skin, large amount of scars, big brown eyes, dirty finger nails, cream colored crooked teeth, soft skin, sweaty feet, and I don’t wear make.

Do I measure up to our cultures beauty standards? No, of course not! No one ever does. I look like an actually person and Im slowly learning to embrace that.


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