Month: July 2013

My dating flaw: settling for the nice guy

I can’t keep  dating  guys cause  they  are nice to  me. There has to  be more. 


I date guys I don’t really want and that  I have nothing  in common with  because they  think  I’m perfect. I tolerate what  they like cause they  believe  I’m awesome ,its a nice feeling, and I like being thought of as perfect.  Well,  I do in the  beginning. Then it  gets to  be too much pressure to  stay  on  a  pedal stool  that  I  don’t  belong  on. I will  never see what others see. The more I’m  told how great  I am,  the  more  I freak out.  


So  I’m desperately hanging  on  to  a guy  I’m never gonna lose and  didn’t want in  the first  place. But still, there I am hating myself for believing that  i’m not living up  to  this false image of me that my boy friend made up. Its insane and  it makes me feel  worse about myself a little more each  time I  do  it.  


I drive  myself crazy and  a nice guy  gets hurt all  because  I’m not secure enough to set my standards higher and go  after what  I  really want. I  will  stay  with  a boy friend for like a  year in  hopes that  I will    fall  in love  with  him  any  ways. I  trick myself into  thinking Im  in love  when I’m not. But, I  eventually get  so  bored that  break  up with in  a  horrible way. I pretend to  be happy until  I can’t bottle it up  any more and it explodes. I crush  him cause I’m not  mature even to  say, ” I’m sorry, but I got  into  this for the wrong reasons and its best to  end it now, but I  would to  remain friends.”  In stead, I have to have a fight that concludes with a declaration  of hate on both  sides and never  see them again. I’m a horrible child. 


Then, I cry for months on  end  because I feel  horrible for hurting him. I miss him. I regret  breaking  up because I’m  afraid I will never  be in a relationship  again. I feel  stupid because I kinda knew  this would happen before it even started, but I  went against  my gut because I  was lonely and insecure. 


Yeah, I guess I’m one  of those crazy  girls that  would call  you  a million time after I break  up  with  you, so  we will  get back together and  have make  up  sex for a week. Then, I remember  why  I hated you  some much  and  dump  you  again.  So, Im gonna be alone for a long time. I need to learn to stop  dating guys just  because  they  are  super  nice  to me. I need to get  what  I  want.


But most importantly, I need  to  truly  understand that I don’t need  to  fall  in love with a man just  because he does not  beat  or rape me.  I need to  whole heartedly believe that  being a good man isn’t  as rare as it seems. There are plenty of men that  won’t do  horrible things to  me. I need to  reject  the  idea that  there is only  one guy  on the  planet for me and if i  don’t  find him  I will  end up battered and  heartbroken.


Yeah,  alone for a very long time is probably my  best  bet.