Month: February 2015

You won’t be one of those people.

Catastrophe is just around the corner.

Since I was a child my deepest wish was to have all my wishes gratified.

But sometimes I’m not at all sure what those wishes are that I hope to have gratified.

Nobody can expect his or her wishes to be gratified.

It is a catastrophe to give up on such dreams.

Some people figure out ways to turn unhappiness to their advantage. You won’t be one of those people.

People are alone in small apartments, surrounded by personal items.

Sometimes, pictures on the wall, but they are alone

kid sister doll

I have a pattern of meeting men that are amazing, who happen to think I’m amazing. The relationship turns romantic, then sexual. It stays that way for a few months. But then he starts introducing me to his friends as his sister.

its creepy as hell. Seriously freaks me, so I stop having sex with him, which makes him pissed off until he eventually disappears. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do guys think of me as a kid sister doll? its so creepy. #can’t

Nerdy Men make the best boyfriends (most times)

I love nerdy guys. Besides being into cool shit, nerd makes great boyfriends. They are sweet, attentive, sensitive, loving, fun, supportive, and smart. They will do amazingly cute things for you, and it will be sincere. They don’t want you to pretend to be dumb. You won’t feel pressure to live up to unrealistic ideals. My favorite part is that they don’t make you feel ashamed for loving the stuff that you love, unlike non-nerd boys that are embarrassed to be seen with you when rave about D&D in public. I can’t date non-nerdy guys cause they make me feel like I should dislike myself.

But ladies, you need to understand that boys are just as insecure as we are. Plus with nerdy guys its a little more so because they were probable bullied and made to feel like outcast growing up. It’s hard to get over, but most people do in time. So please be understanding and patient.

But other times they don’t get over it. No matter what you do, so you will have to get out of that relationship. It will be heart breaking, but you deserve better.

I had a relationship with a really insecure guy. No matter how I expressed my love for him could believe that I loved him. We dated on and off from a very long time. I still love him and probably always will but I had to face the fact that even though he said he was in love with me, he wasn’t.

He would reject compliments and start fights about how he loves me but I don’t love him cause he is unlovable. He would always talk poorly about himself and nothing I could do or say would help him.

After a while, it got exhausting and depressing so I would break up with him. The break up would reinforce his beliefs about himself. I still loved him so I would give him another chance. He promised he would change, He wouldn’t and this repeated for a few months.

Eventually, I ended the cycle because I deserve to be with someone who trusts me and has confidence in our relationship. I shouldn’t have my feelings disrespected by the person I love. That isn’t love. I feel guilty some times for giving up on the relationship cause I care for him and I don’t want to reinforce his self-hate. But I don’t deserve the pain of being with some one who doesn’t respect my feeling or even really care about be.

I want a nerdy guy that is as equally excited by me as they are by the awesome stuff I like. They should be able to love and respect themselves, so they love and respect other people.

I know I will find my perfect nerd. It just taking more time than I hoped it would.

Reasons you should get that art degree you want

Many people argue that you should waste your money on art degree because you   don’t need to go to college to develop your craft. That is a very good point because it’s very expensive. But there are other things to consider.

1) Art school is a safe place to fail and experiment with craft. It is a 4-year window to listen to your artist soul to find the best avenue of expression. You are free to fail without risking your career because you have not birthed it yet. It is the time where any thing is possible even if you suck at first (most people suck at first don’t worry about it).

2) Art degree will give you the chance to birth that fickle baby who is confidence in your artistic identity and your abilities.

You will have 4 years to develop in your mind, body, and spirit. You will listen to your artist soul, you will ask yourself the important questions, and you have let it make you cry for hours until you laugh from your gut. You know yourself better now. You have nurtured your craft so well that it can return the favor and take care of you.

3) It will give you time to figure out how to turn your artist soul into a brand and how to market it. Yeah, I know money isn’t the point. But, the goal is to find a way to make enough to support yourself within your craft so you don’t waste your energy on other jobs.

4) Networking with other artists and learning from other artists. You will be surrounded by other artists that can show you new things and will collaborate with you. Your professors will be artists that know other local artists and venues that will help you grow as an artist.

5) Being an artist can be desperate and some days your craft will be all you have. You have to do it because you believe that what you are expressing is more important than yourself. If you make it about you instead of the story or feeling, you will damage your soul and lose your connection to your work. Art school can show you if you have it in you or not.

I think of you and I can’t get any sleep

Its midnight and I’ve finished my drink. It burns and I start exploding. Mixing candy with kerosene.

I think of you and I cant get no sleep.

Its 2am

I keep forgetting if I smoked all my cigarettes. Coughing up drugs and longing for hugs.

I try to sleep, wanting to trade my time for a pleasant dream. You’re all I see. But I’m up again. The room starts to spin. Ex-boyfriends kissing new girl friends.

I think of you and cant get no sleep.

It 4am and the rain is here, pouring down like a bottle of beer. Drunk slutty girls with plastic teats.

I think of you and I can’t no sleep.

I’m shaking. Feel like this town is caging me, whispered lies sound like screams.

Its 5am and now I’m pissed, wanting to call the one I miss. It kills us when we want to live.

Now its 7am and I start to fade, I wonder when you’ll come back to me.

I think of you and I can’t get any sleep.