disassociate myself from my body

I have a difficult time accepting compliments about my appearance. Its not a body image issue in terms of beauty social construction. I like to disassociate myself from my body. The majority of my sexual interactions have been nonconsensual and it has made me accept that I will probably be in that situation again at some point of my life. I don’t consider my body as part of myself because I need some kind of self defense mechanism. Distance myself from things that have happened in my life by convincing myself that they have only happened to my body and not me. I know its not healthy thought pattern, but its the only thing that works. Im still fighting for peace. I don’t know if that makes any sense to any one.

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