kid sister doll

I have a pattern of meeting men that are amazing, who happen to think I’m amazing. The relationship turns romantic, then sexual. It stays that way for a few months. But then he starts introducing me to his friends as his sister.

its creepy as hell. Seriously freaks me, so I stop having sex with him, which makes him pissed off until he eventually disappears. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do guys think of me as a kid sister doll? its so creepy. #can’t


Nerdy Men make the best boyfriends (most times)

I love nerdy guys. Besides being into cool shit, nerd makes great boyfriends. They are sweet, attentive, sensitive, loving, fun, supportive, and smart. They will do amazingly cute things for you, and it will be sincere. They don’t want you to pretend to be dumb. You won’t feel pressure to live up to unrealistic ideals. My favorite part is that they don’t make you feel ashamed for loving the stuff that you love, unlike non-nerd boys that are embarrassed to be seen with you when rave about D&D in public. I can’t date non-nerdy guys cause they make me feel like I should dislike myself.

But ladies, you need to understand that boys are just as insecure as we are. Plus with nerdy guys its a little more so because they were probable bullied and made to feel like outcast growing up. It’s hard to get over, but most people do in time. So please be understanding and patient.

But other times they don’t get over it. No matter what you do, so you will have to get out of that relationship. It will be heart breaking, but you deserve better.

I had a relationship with a really insecure guy. No matter how I expressed my love for him could believe that I loved him. We dated on and off from a very long time. I still love him and probably always will but I had to face the fact that even though he said he was in love with me, he wasn’t.

He would reject compliments and start fights about how he loves me but I don’t love him cause he is unlovable. He would always talk poorly about himself and nothing I could do or say would help him.

After a while, it got exhausting and depressing so I would break up with him. The break up would reinforce his beliefs about himself. I still loved him so I would give him another chance. He promised he would change, He wouldn’t and this repeated for a few months.

Eventually, I ended the cycle because I deserve to be with someone who trusts me and has confidence in our relationship. I shouldn’t have my feelings disrespected by the person I love. That isn’t love. I feel guilty some times for giving up on the relationship cause I care for him and I don’t want to reinforce his self-hate. But I don’t deserve the pain of being with some one who doesn’t respect my feeling or even really care about be.

I want a nerdy guy that is as equally excited by me as they are by the awesome stuff I like. They should be able to love and respect themselves, so they love and respect other people.

I know I will find my perfect nerd. It just taking more time than I hoped it would.

Reasons you should get that art degree you want

Many people argue that you should waste your money on art degree because you   don’t need to go to college to develop your craft. That is a very good point because it’s very expensive. But there are other things to consider.

1) Art school is a safe place to fail and experiment with craft. It is a 4-year window to listen to your artist soul to find the best avenue of expression. You are free to fail without risking your career because you have not birthed it yet. It is the time where any thing is possible even if you suck at first (most people suck at first don’t worry about it).

2) Art degree will give you the chance to birth that fickle baby who is confidence in your artistic identity and your abilities.

You will have 4 years to develop in your mind, body, and spirit. You will listen to your artist soul, you will ask yourself the important questions, and you have let it make you cry for hours until you laugh from your gut. You know yourself better now. You have nurtured your craft so well that it can return the favor and take care of you.

3) It will give you time to figure out how to turn your artist soul into a brand and how to market it. Yeah, I know money isn’t the point. But, the goal is to find a way to make enough to support yourself within your craft so you don’t waste your energy on other jobs.

4) Networking with other artists and learning from other artists. You will be surrounded by other artists that can show you new things and will collaborate with you. Your professors will be artists that know other local artists and venues that will help you grow as an artist.

5) Being an artist can be desperate and some days your craft will be all you have. You have to do it because you believe that what you are expressing is more important than yourself. If you make it about you instead of the story or feeling, you will damage your soul and lose your connection to your work. Art school can show you if you have it in you or not.

I think of you and I can’t get any sleep

Its midnight and I’ve finished my drink. It burns and I start exploding. Mixing candy with kerosene.

I think of you and I cant get no sleep.

Its 2am

I keep forgetting if I smoked all my cigarettes. Coughing up drugs and longing for hugs.

I try to sleep, wanting to trade my time for a pleasant dream. You’re all I see. But I’m up again. The room starts to spin. Ex-boyfriends kissing new girl friends.

I think of you and cant get no sleep.

It 4am and the rain is here, pouring down like a bottle of beer. Drunk slutty girls with plastic teats.

I think of you and I can’t no sleep.

I’m shaking. Feel like this town is caging me, whispered lies sound like screams.

Its 5am and now I’m pissed, wanting to call the one I miss. It kills us when we want to live.

Now its 7am and I start to fade, I wonder when you’ll come back to me.

I think of you and I can’t get any sleep.

If they should ask…

If mom asks how I am, don’t tell her that I’m eating out the trash. Don’t tell her about sleeping on the floor but tell her to mail cash. If she asks about classes, let her know I’m doing well, but not about  the all-nighter pills.
If my boyfriend wants  love with trust and respect, remind him I’ve been fucked up every day for the last 6 months. If he wants to visit, tell him about the other guys and how I only love whoever will get me the highest.
If my best friend wants to go out, tell him that I almost died and I’m not up hanging out with people yet. But see if he’ll bring me whisky and cigarettes cause I’ve stopped throwing up. Don’t ever tell  him about the fears and regrets.
If my grandma calls, keep it short and tell her not worry, I will be back home for the holidays. But don’t tell her how I will be too skinny, sleepy & moody, or that I’m going through a
$500 a day phase.
If my cousin asks about the bloodshed & needles on my bedroom floor, only say its just part of growing up and its nothing he should repeat. But tell him if he wants to help, bring coffee & records, cause I could use some cheering up.

Walking Dead Comics.

I’ve started collecting the walking dead comic books (single issues). I have issues 1-96 in the Compendiums, but Im looking for issues 97-99, 101-109, 111-112, 114, 118- 123.

Please let me know in the comments good websites to buy these comics. I’m trying to find them in my town, but not having much luck, and would rather not use amazon or ebay.

Or if any one hears about these being reprinted, let me know as well.



Books, films & music of spring 2014

Here is a list of books, films & music that I’ve personally been enjoying over the last 3 months.


Some Velvet Morning by Neil LaBute
Are Prison Obsolete? By Angela Davis
The Prince by Machiavelli
No one belongs here more than you by Miranda July
The Subterraneans by Kerouac
Feeding Back: Conversations with Alternative Guitarists from Proto-Punk to Post-Rock by David Todd
The Coral Sea by Patti Smith

The Grand Budapest Hotel
The lovers
Love on the run
Only Lovers Left Alive
Un Femme Marlee
A Nos Amours
Le Jour Se Leve
Stranger Than Fiction
Diary of a Chamber Maid
Vivre Sa Vie

Bands/ Musical Artists
David Lynch
Sleep Party People
Lucy Hale
The Hold Steady

Corner Store Cocks

I’m walking down my street
the lords of Flatbush see me
in my sun dress cause it 90 degrees
trying to buy a drink & papers
all i want is to roll some trees
corner stores boys cat call me
they whistle at me like I ‘m a dog
so I guess I’m suppose to let em’
hit this shit raw mother fucker
ass & tits giggling out my dress
pretty young thing oozing sexuality
so maybe I invited all this hostility
But I never asked any one to look at me
My block boys call me snow flake
grab my ass & tell me for a white girl
I got cake & they wanna cum on my face
I laugh & smile as if to say its okay
cause I could scream & shout all day
but egos & erections won’t let them
hear a single fucking word I say
No point in starting a convo
with chumps that can’t hold one
I grab my mystic & ask for papers
cut in front of the crowd
throw my bills on the counter
tell him to keep the change
ignoring the hand on my waist
throwing white privilege all over the place
just to get the thirsty boys outta my face
I’m a feminist like Emma Goldman
But if she was blind, deaf & dumb
Ignore the glares & act unfazed
Get home, roll joints, bumping KRS ONE
My mind is right & my body is tight
but I guess I’m only good for one night
Not gonna lie, some times I like that attention
But its my life’s mission to avoid the men
that makes you consent out of self-defense
that wants unlimited oral, vaginal, & anal penetration
These boys talk a lot of shit but sex aint sex
if you need to conquer some one
or you feel entitled to fuck whoever you want
I aint saying all men are like this cause
I know they can make emotional investments
and woman can be casual when there’s mutual respect
If these boys would treat me like a person
they would have a pretty good shot
but they too busy thinking with their cocks.
Wondering why men can’t take me out to eat
before trying to get me out my jeans
But gotta stop trying to figure this shit out
I could do this all day & only be left with stems & seeds
I guess my mama was always right
the good men are harder to find

Get Money Out Of Politics One State at a Time

Get money out  of  politics by  getting NYS  to  vote yes on s 65-59, which would get Congress to pass an amendment to over turn Citizen’s United.

In another state? You  need to  write to your representatives because an amendment needs 38 states to be approved. Vermont is the first state to do  so, and  we need 37 more.  Find out who  they are and ask  them to proposal  a bill  to  get money out  of politics. If you need help or more information go to


For New York State: 

Please send a hand written letter of support to the Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman John Bonacic urging him to vote YES on S 65-59 and make sure it gets a hearing!  Tell him you want New York to be a leader in the fight to restore Free and Fair Elections in America. 

Letter of Support Instructions


Senator John Bonacic 
188 State St. Room 509 Legislative Office Building
Albany, NY 12247

Read S 65-59


  • State clearly that you, as a citizen of New York, would like him to vote yes on S 65-59 and make sure it gets a hearing. 
  • Address it to the attention of: Senator John Bonacic 
  • Feel free to share your personal story of how money in politics affects your life. It does not have to be loaded with facts and statistics. The most heartfelt letters are sometimes the best.
  • If you would like some inspiration, you can refer to our Talking Points page, but do try to paraphrase the ideas so that every letter is individualized.*
  • Writing it by hand is preferred, but if you can’t then typed is okay too. 
  • Include your name, address, phone number.

*If you aren’t sure of what to write, a letter that only says “Please vote yes on S 65-59 is SO MUCH better than nothing.

Bundy is only on tv to make political dissent look foolish

Militant conservatives like Cliven Bundy are tolerated by our government because they are white conservatives that the government know are too dumb and too few to be a real political threat.

They don’t have the numbers, ability to organize, or the facts to support their demands. Unlike people of color, gays, disable, transgender, women, the poor and other groups that are for equality & social change that threaten the current political structure.

When liberal groups like Occupy Wall Street organize & bring up issues about economic justice they are labeled as criminals for occupying a space. They’re attacked by police, and the violence is blamed on the peaceful protesters.

Militant white conservatives groups often protest with arms and every one thinks this okay because of our 2nd amendment rights.

But where were those rights when the Black Panthers were armed in the streets? Why was CONTELPRO necessary for Black Panthers, but not for modern white militant groups? Why did Hover call the Black Panthers the greatest threat to internal security? We don’t live in a post-racial world now. We definitely didn’t in the 60’s.

People are not scared of white men with guns because it’s folksy and Americana. But black men with guns are threatening and dangerous.

The government loves these white conservative militant groups because they know most media will show these people as stupid insane dissenters. That media depiction of dissent as foolish and insane is a tool to prevent political dissent. The media teaches people that if you disagree with the government you are a fool. That’s why the news focused on naked hippie girls at OWS and instead of the fact that we were providing food and health care services to over 5,000 people a day for free. Dissent does not seem crazy when you talk about the real issues.

But our media teaches us that we need to fight the desire to fight for our heart and our every belief. They teach us that we can’t undermind the greed and power which the system depends. Dissent isn’t insane or foolish, but believing that is.