He held my hand

He held my hand

With four fingers across my palm

As a sign of love

But to my great misfortune

I was unable to grasp


Seasonal Poems



Desperately hanging on tightly
Anticipating the long fall
Let go of fear and hesitation.

Listen to the breeze sing
Songs of freedom of hope
Snatching you by the hand
Engaged in a graceful waltz
Gliding slowly down
Letting every color show.

Death bed is approaching
Breeze tucks you into your resting place
The way the season intended.


Snow Day

I woke up late
Surprised by the time on the clock
I peeked out the window
Amount of snow was quite a shock
Rushed to the tv
My school was closed I was happy to see
Went to the closet
Mom had my coat and snow pants ready for me
Ran out the door
Cold wind nipped my soft face
Danced around
All day at my little girl pace


Spring Crush

Play with your hair
Pretend not to care
Don’t let him see
you’re weak in the knees
You giggle all day
your smile gives it away
You’ve lost your cool
You’re acting a fool
Your face blushes
Stupid crushes


Best Summer

Summer in the basement
Avoiding the hot pavement
Put my favorite album on
Sing along to every song
Sit in front of the fan
Feels so good on my tan
All my friend are here
There is plenty of beer
Drinking quite a bit
Everyone is laughing & talking shit
Take a drag of a cigarette
This is the greatest summer yet

Dear Jeff, (all the “Jeffs” of the world)

Dear Jeff, (all the “Jeffs” of the world)


Why won’t you let me love you?

Why won’t you come back to me?

Don’t you understand that someone

wonderful is waiting for you?

I can’t believe that you are

not coming back  For me.


I can’t believe I’m supposed to

stop waiting. Stop looking.

Frantically searching parks, trains and missions

For your face.

Your green eyes brighten my dreams.

The track marks on your arms

Haunt my nightmares.

Why am I not good enough?

Did you leave me for your next fix?


All this time I’ve spent waiting on our bench.

Watching your favorite movie.

Reading books you stole for me.

Waiting and waiting.

Time has almost made me forget how

Your hand fits in mine.

I’ve been waiting so long.

Do you know how this feels?

Are you on some bench waiting,

For someone else?

Are you returning to someone else,

Who has been waiting for you,

Longer than I?


I remember how you repeatedly referred to me,

As obviously beautiful and drop dead gorgeous.

Do you remember?

Did you meant it?

Obviously Not.

Or maybe you dropped dead.


You told me that you would

Meet me by the fountain

In two hours.

Two hours feels like eternity.

Do I have to wait forever?


I don’t want to be your wife,

Or even your girlfriend.

I just want to know

When I’m going to see you again.

I need to know you are okay.


You had written, “forgive me” on your arm,

As a disclaimer for

The ones that love you.

I ignored the warning.

I wish I had add an “N”

On the end of “forgive.”

So you know,

You can always come back to me.


No need to apologize.

It’s already done,

With your breath on

The back of my neck

And the nibble on my ear.

Every time I gave you a compliment,

You denied it.

But, gave me many in return.

You claimed to not be good

Enough for me.

But, that’s a lie.

How do you not see the

Infinite value within you?


I wish I could tell you that

I love you with all my heart.

Even at your worst, 

You are fucking incredible.

Both will never change.

Your beauty is never failing,

Never fleeting.


Your embrace felt like home.

It brought me to a place

I have not been in years

And may never go again.

You made me feel as if

My aunt was reading to me

Until I feel asleep.

Like my dad brought me

Apple juice in my favorite bubble cup,

In the middle of the night.

Just because his baby girl,

his  little princess

yelled, “I’m thirsty.”


We made me a new home

And then you burned it to the ground.

Without notice.

You made me feel loved.

Love like when a mother

Holds her new born for the first time.

She tells it that it’s

“Beautiful and perfect.

That’s she would do any thing

And every thing to protect it.”

The newborn knows that this is true,

Even though it doesn’t

Know any thing else.

It knows love.


Looking at  the ashes of 

my safe house, I think

Didn’t any one ever tell you,

“Don’t play with matches”?


How am I supposed to let this go?

Just let  it go.

Let it be.

C’est la vie.

Leave it alone.

Get over  it.

Suck it up.

Keep moving.

Move  on.

Let it pass.

 Forget  it.

Grow a pair.

Get a grip.

Stop crying.

Move forward.

Focus on other things.

I can’t  let  this go.


You’ll never know how much,

I adore you.

I can’t make love to

A ghost who hates himself,

Or a memory that wants

To be erased.


If I knew what I know now,

I would have never left.

You said, “There will be plenty of time

For us. Go get some sleep.

I will be waiting for you.”

So I can’t believe I’m supposed to

Stop looking, stop waiting.

I can’t believe you are

Not coming back for me.

But I know,

You’re not coming for me.


 If  I knew that  the last kiss

Was in fact our last  kiss,

I would of made it count.

I would had  made sure,

You knew all of this,

before the separation of our lips.

If God

If God made us in his image then the following is true about him.

When he was 5 years old he learned to ride a bike and it felt like flying.

When he was 10 years old he had his first kiss.

when he was 15, he seriously considered suicide.

when he was 20, he thought he knew every thing.

At 25, he realized he does not know shit.

when he was 30, he swore to do every thing he could to protect his children.

At 40, he was terrified he couldn’t fulfill that promise.

At 50, he regretted being ungrateful child and not know his parents better.

When he was 60, he realized that he has always had every thing he ever wanted.

At 80, he knew with confidence that even at his worst he is fucking incredible and wishes he knew that sooner.

IVs to VU

Waste my days lying in bed

With Lou Reed and you.


I’m sick of seeing

Needles by the bed

Blood on the sheets

Vomit on the floor.

Arizona Ice Teas

And nothing to eat

But plenty cobras to drink


Want to make love

But all I can do is sleep.


Wake up sweating

And shaking.

Run to the bathroom

But it’s occupied.

Bolt to the closet

Pull down my pants

And shit in a plasticbag.


Go back to bed

And claw feverishly at itchy skin.


A new score has arrived

Just in time.

Make my payment

On my knees.

Telling myself

And my lover

This is the last time.


Grab dirty rigs

Cookers, water, and cotton.


Pull the tie tighter.

Veins are still all dead.

Muscle it instead.

Sharp burning pain

White bubble under skin.

Gonna take longer for

The pleasure to begin.


Fight junkie over a sandwich

He eats it but throws up.


Miss hit is taking

Way too long.

Snort three bags.

A nasty drip down taste.

Chug down a beer

Or two or six

To wash it all away.


Take a nap for

The next two days.


Wake up wondering

“Where is this place?”

Smoke a cig in the mirror

Can’t recognize my own face.

I promise I will get out.

Just one more hit.

One more and I can leave.


shoots for the last time.

Yeah only a few more.